40 Ways Men Fail in Bed (Pt. 2)?

Part 1 is in Jokes %26amp; Riddles! Willys cynical thought for the day;

Statistically 100% of all divorces started with fugging marriage! (Look it up if y'all don't believe me)

Take notes, all you Casanovas... We're all guilty of some of these, but life is for learning! Hopefully ya putting some this stuff into practice on more n' a monitor!!!!!

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH. It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME. You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But, if you really don't know, don't ask.

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY. Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN. Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX. Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO. Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.

27) TAKING ETTIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES. In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES. Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

30) TAKING PICTURES. When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you? "she'll hear the words "to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH. Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINT HERS. There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES. If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE. Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

35) GIVING LOVE BITES. It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS. Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

37) TALKING DIRTY. It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know.

38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES. You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

39) SQUASHING HER. Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

40) THANKING HER. Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblu...

40 Ways Men Fail in Bed (Pt. 2)?

i have to say, i agree with alot of that, but not all.

my favs, 39, .35, 32, 29, 26, HUGE ONE 24!!!(if I want to do it I will, I am fully aware he wants it, what guy doesnt?) 22, if you didn't notice, i didn't *** %26amp; 21 I hate it when we have been going at it for an hour and he is still "trying" not to ***

40 Ways Men Fail in Bed (Pt. 2)?

this is the MOST BULL **** THING I EVER READ. WHAT ARE YOU A HOMOSEXUAL? **** YOU DIKKHEAD. BE A MAN THIS IS ALL BULL ****

40 Ways Men Fail in Bed (Pt. 2)?

funny, i actually stopped flinging poop for a minute

40 Ways Men Fail in Bed (Pt. 2)?

Once again... very hysterical! Men should not be allowed to graduate sex-ed without having memorized Number 26. Yes... believe it or not... most women have a gag-reflex. And if you force our head any farther down we will... GAG! You should come up with a parallel list of what women should do in each of the 40 situations. That would be enjoyable too, maybe Number 26 could be something like, 'if he thrusts, bite... if he grabs your head and pushes it down, bite harder."